Grandparents: How They Help a Child to Grow
When I was a child there were few glamorous grandmothers. The few that I observed astonished me, and sent a chill down my spine. I felt great pity for their grandchildren .
My little grandmother, with her black and graying hair tucked into a bun at the back of her head, probably envied those young-looking grandmothers–their brisk ways, smart hairdos, high heels, and their tightly girdled bottoms–but they scared the daylights out of me.
Those glamorous grandmothers seemed to be all tense laughter, bony hips, and hard edges. I couldn’t imagine their grandchildren ever sitting next to them on the sofa in order to burrow their heads under their arms and to feel their soft, comforting closeness.
My grandmother had been a pretty child and was a beautiful young woman, but life had left her few resources for glamor. Other than the love felt by every child who knew her, she had little wealth to sustain her as she grew older.
She had cared for her children, grandchildren, and nieces and nephews. If love given so generously brought a tangible return, that little woman would have been wealthy. But that wasn’t the nature of her kind of love; it was a gift. And like faith, the return was intangible.
Occasionally I envied the kids whose grandmothers were slim and glamorous. They told stories of cross-country vacations taken with their grandparents and after Christmas, they brought telescopes and beautiful classic children’s books to show and tell; gifts that had the extra glamor of being mailed from another state.
My grandmother lived frugally, with her long-deferred dreams locked silently in her heart. There was no money for her own necessities, let alone greeting cards and books for kids. Even if she had the money, she didn’t drive, and in those days, there wasn’t an online gift shop to help her shower her grandchildren with gifts.
Her house was small but welcoming. She was a busy person and an expert teller of the serialized story. Often the stories she told were about “Jenny Wren” who lived in her yard, and had a tiny nest full of baby birds.
When I visited, there were no trips to restaurants, but she made me bread and butter sandwiches topped by fragrant and delicious raspberry jam. Late at night, I was lulled to sleep by the soft voices of my mother and grandmother in the other room.
I don’t remember that she ever gave me a gift, other than an infrequent birthday card or a few coins for ice cream that she folded into my sweaty little palm. But I treasured those shiny coins! They were hard to come by, and Grandma had sacrificed to give them to me.
In the present, there are many glamorous grandmothers. People are generally in better health and have more wealth. They have the strength and the resources to give gifts to their grandchildren, the kind of gifts that mine could never give to me.
However, the gifts that most impress me are the gifts of knowledge, the time and effort, and the sacrifices that I have seen ordinary people give to their grandchildren.
I know grandparents that cheer at every soccer game, and cry at dance recitals. I know grandparents who work with their grandchildren to improve reading skills and who take the time to help them achieve better writing skills.
I have known grandparents who provided rides to school, baby sitting, and daily child care for their grandchildren so that working parents had less worry and expense. Those grandparents give gifts of concern, effort, and time and money.
Those are priceless gifts to young families and should be remembered whenever we are celebrating grandparents and grandparenting.
Those gifts, like my grandmother’s coins, are true gifts of the heart. And in the end, they are the gifts that last.
On this Grandparents Day, September 12, those gifts should gleam bright. They are a legacy to be held tight in the memories, and treasured in the grateful hearts of children and grandchildren.
**
This post, Celebrating Grandparents and Grandparenting, is part of a Blog Carnival on About.com: Grandparents at